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Question: My husband did not put any hair cutting condition on me in our nikah contract or before we agreed to do the nikah. And now, after almost three years into the marriage, we are fighting almost every day and night because he has been forcing me to cut my hair extremely short “pixie haircut style” which resembles a man’s haircutting style. I have listened to his demand and given in a few times for him so to keep the peace in our marriage and also afraid that he doesn’t pronounce three divorces on me as he had warned me with it many times that he will pronounce triple talaq on me if I didn’t listen to me. He is emotionally blackmailing everyday me with the triple talaq with something I do not like to do. He expects me to keep my hair very short pixie hairstyle by going to the hair salon or asking another inexperienced person at home to cut my hair every month at the same pixie hair length. Moreover, he expects me to shave my back neck (which I cannot see) small tiny excess hair clean every week or so to keep my back neck nice and clean. This entire pixie hairstyle cutting drama is causing me lots of (taklif) difficulties in my busy life. First of all, I do not like pixie hair cutting styles at all because I’m a girly girl and not a tomboy, to begin with. I believe I’m a classy lady and I like to carry my hair at least up to my shoulders. Second, I cannot go to the hair salon or ask someone to cut my hair every month for me and have them also shave the back of my neck (which I cannot see and it also burns my back neck) as it is a difficult task to do for another busy person as well. My mom hardly has time to clip her nails weekly as she is a busy woman working full-time ma sha Allah let alone worry about grooming my hair. It is even difficult to find an experienced hair cutting specialist who could provide the correct purdah environment for me to get this job done correctly. I have also financial difficulty to pay $65 dollar a month for the pixie hairstyle cut, forget about the pandemic problem and that all hairstylists require safe distancing and only offer to find into your garage (I don’t have a garage) to cut my hair. My husband does not understand me at all, but he has offered to cut my hair himself many times. My husband does not have haircutting experience nor is he a licensed hairstylist but yet he offered and forced to cut my hair himself many times. I did not like the way he cut my hair as he does not either have the experience or the correct haircutting tools to get this job done well. I’m a perfectionist and for my hair to look extremely beautiful and it has to be cut a certain way by another non-mahram man (a licensed hairstylist) who knows how to perfectly cut my hair symmetrically for which the knowledge of math is required to do the perfect measurements on each side and to cut that exact amounts from both sides in sha Allah. Anyhow, he still forces me to cut my hair all the time against my will and even machine cut the back of my hair just like you would cut boys hairstyle called “Mohawk” which is even forbidden for men to do let alone a woman to do it. He looks at other non-mahram women and sends me one million non-mahram Hollywood white actress’s hair pixie hair cutting styles every single day through text message and all he talks about is about short hair as it is his lifeline he said. He is driving me crazy and sometimes I want to hit my head against the wall as he continuously bombards my messages with these other girls’ hairstyles. I even get jealous looking at dine if the pics as they do not look like me anyway. I fight with him and explained myself a million times. Nothing works. He says his entire happiness and life depends on how my short hair cut. I have started to believe that he might have some type of mental health issues nouzubillah. My husband demands from me that a woman should obey her husband under all circumstances no matter what. He reinforced that he is only attracted to me or any other girl with an extremely short pixie or Mohawk hairstyle, otherwise he is willing to leave this marriage as well in sha Allah and stay single for life in sha Allah?
Would you please shed some light on this topic as it has become the story of my life?
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
It is impermissible for you to get the afore-mentioned haircuts because they entail imitation of men and non-muslims which is prohibited. The Prophet (SAW) said, “There is no obedience to the creation when it entails the disobedience of the Creator.” (Mishkatul Masabeeh: 3696) Thus, you are not obliged to obey your husband in this matter. We advise that your husband seeks spiritual help from a pious Alim. If there is concern regarding his mental health, we suggest that he gets diagnosed by a doctor and undergoes the relevant treatment. Do not worry about his threats; if he divorces you, Allah (SWT) will bless you with a better husband, inshaAllah.
Raddul Muhtar: v. 9, p. 583 (Maktaba Imdadia)
For more details regarding the ruling of cutting hair, kindly refer to the following link:
Only Allah knows best
Written by Maulana Mohammad Ahsan Osmani Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah Darul Ifta Birmingham
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