Question: I converted to Islam 3 years ago. My path hasn’t been easy but I got married in 2017 we divorced in 2018 for various reasons but when that happened my iman went downhill over the period of the next two years almost like I lost my faith. I ended up giving up on Islam about 8 months ago because of depression I didn’t know what to do. Shortly after I have given up, I reached out to my ex-wife again and we got in touch eventually getting back together the relationship. I know it is haram but we want to remarry. My iman and faith have come back since we came back into each other’s lives I don’t know what the sharia is on remarrying each other but it is what we want? I guess I just want some clarity on if it is possible? بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
You mentioned that you ‘ended up giving up on Islam’. If the intended meaning of these words is that you left Islam, then you must renew your faith, if you have not done so, to remarry this girl. For a person to become a Muslim, they must affirm with the heart and attest with the tongue. If a person merely says they are Muslim to get married but their beliefs are contrary to the tenets of Islam, then they would not be considered Muslim. Hence, a person must know the fundamental beliefs of Islam and accept them genuinely. After accepting Islam, we suggest that you meet with a local scholar and ascertain whether you can still remarry her (the eligibility of remarrying will be based on the number of divorces issued). If eligible, then your local Imam can solemnize the marriage again.
Dating is prohibited in Islam, hence, if you are involved in this act, we advise you to repent from this sin and ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness. Allah (SWT) says:
وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلا
Translation: “And do not come near fornication. Verily, it is a fahisha (a great sin) and an evil path.” (Surah Al-Isra: verse 32).
Shaytan will deceive you by telling you that it is okay to date and you will not touch each other. This is how the devil lures a male and female into his trap until he gets both to commit fornication.
You mentioned that you know that keeping such a relationship is Haram. Having knowledge and admitting one’s mistake are the first steps to correcting oneself. However, merely possessing knowledge of something is not sufficient. To act upon that knowledge, great courage is required.
Firstly, make a sincere tawba (repentance) from this sin. Allah (SWT) says:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا تُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ تَوْبَةً نَّصُوحًا
Translation: “O you who believe! Repent to Allah a sincere repentance. (Surah At-Tahrim: verse 8)
Umar (RA) describes a ‘sincere repentance’ as not returning to the sin that he repented from just as milk does not return to the udder. (Hashiya of Shaykh Sabooni for Riyadh As-Saliheen: p. 19 [Maktaba Asriya])
Keep in mind three conditions for tawba to be accepted. Many people resort back to sin due to not keeping these conditions in mind. If any of these three conditions are missing, then the tawba is invalid:
1. To remove oneself from that sin
2. To regret committing it
3. To have a firm resolve never to return to it
If the sin relates to the right of someone, then along with the above-mentioned conditions, they must fulfill the right, e.g., if he steals someone’s watch, he must return it to its rightful owner. (Riyadh As-Saliheen: p. 18 (Al-Maktaba Al-Asriya)
To remain firm on your faith, we advise you to busy yourself in zikr (remembrance of Allah SWT), recitation of the Quran, frequenting the Masjid, and seeking Islamic knowledge. Punctually acting by these suggestions will keep you spiritually strong to combat your prohibited desires. Doing it when you ‘feel like it’ or whenever you ‘get the time’ will not be effective. You must set aside time for the above-mentioned advice to see results and this may be achieved by making a schedule for yourself.
To start, read the Kalima (la ilaa ha illallah), Istighfar (astaghfirullah), and Durood (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) 100 x’s each, morning and evening. Also, read one juz of the Quran daily. If this is not possible, read as much as you can, e.g., half a juz or a quarter. Lastly, find out if there are any classes taught locally by authentic pious scholars. If this is not feasible, you may take online courses at reliable institutes to increase your knowledge because knowledge is what will bring you closer to Allah (SWT).
For further encouragement and motivation, stay in touch with a pious Shaykh and inform him of your spiritual condition just as you would inform a doctor regarding your physical health and act per his advice. Attend his gatherings and always remain in the company of pious people whose goal in life is to please Allah (SWT). Also, read the stories of the pious people before us, e.g., the lives of the Prophets, Sahaba, and Awliya. Whenever you get the urge to commit any sin, remind yourself of death and the events that take place after it, e.g., life in the grave, the fearful scenes of the Day of Judgement, the Hellfire, etc. Finally, constantly ponder that Allah (SWT) is always watching you and make abundant dua to Him to help you leave this sin because it is only through His help that we can do good and avoid evil.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Maulana Mohammad Ahsan Osmani Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah Darul Ifta Birmingham