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Question:
I have a lot of questions since I am very confused and need guidance. I don't even know where to and how to begin. Let's say I was a moderate practicing Muslim before and alhamdulillah by Allah's will and my husband's positive influence. I am being guided towards the right direction and doing Islamic studies now. I still have a long way to go, but I am trying and in order to make up for my mistakes and clear up my confusion. Just a little background to my first question, as this is my main issue and concern. Please don't judge me, I was young and had been through a lot. I was married in 2017, and it was an arranged marriage; within 2 days of my marriage, I was emotionally abused by my ex-husband. He was very rude, mean, degrading, and abusive towards me and humiliated me and at times was physically abusive too. While I know and understand that it is a husband's right, he used to be intimate with me without my consent, and it felt like r**e to me. I was going through a lot of depression because every moment of my life felt like I was imprisoned and had nothing to be happy about or even smile for. I literally wanted to die. That toxic relationship had taken a huge toll on me, and my family was worried to see me like that. I decided that I could not take it anymore and wanted a divorce, but I had gotten pregnant. I still proceeded to file for divorce because I couldn't bear a single second with that man. My family and his family tried to reconcile, but that man has no respect and manners. He verbally abused my family and even went to lengths of involving non-family members and talking disrespectfully about me. All that made my decision firm, and I went ahead with the divorce; I did not want anything to do with him or any part of him with me, and so I went and got an abortion done without his knowledge or approval because I had already filed for divorce. Though I told his father, who relayed the information to my ex. Like I mentioned earlier, I did not have that much knowledge, and because of my circumstances, I could not deal with that guy nor the child. I was almost 12 weeks, maybe 11 something weeks pregnant, when I got the abortion done. I felt bad and have repented to Allah many times, but I just couldn't pull through that time. Also, I did not talk to him and had gone to my parents' house, and basically got the message across to him through his parents that I wanted a divorce. I think I read somewhere that it is necessary for me to tell him personally or something. But I didn't, and legally we got divorced, and he was there at that time too. But I just wanted to get clarification on that too. That was back in 2017 again. Later, I had an arranged marriage again to a very nice guy who is helping me get back to deen. My first question is, what do I do now? Do I have to pay blood money or something? I was reading somewhere that it isn't until the rooh is blown, which is after it's formed or something, but how would I know? I am so scared. I don't want this major sin on me. I have truly repented to Allah many times and asked for forgiveness, and May Allah have his mercy and forgive me, but I want to do whatever needs to be done on my end. Please help and guide me. 2. This is completely different from the above topic. I got a job in January, and when I got the job, I had intended to divide whatever little income I got into 3. So, I had initially thought to have 1/3 donated for Allah's sake, 1/3 to pay off my student loans, and save 1/3 for my parents and myself. When I mentioned to my husband about donating some money to someone, he told me that there was a hadeeth (I am paraphrasing as I can't remember it too well) about a woman who came to Prophet Muhammad SAW and said she wanted to give charity, but the husband was in debt or something and that if she helps him, then it is equal to that or something along those lines. He told me that since we have quite a bit of loans to save up my money. He doesn't know about my intention of donating the 1/3. Now I am unsure as to what I should do. Should I save like he asked me to? Is this considered a vow that I am breaking? Do I need his permission? If not, then what do I say if I don't have the money saved. 3. As mentioned in the previous question. Initially, I had intended that from the 1/3 of the money that I would be donating, a portion of that would be donated to someone, another portion I would support my local masjid here and another portion to build a masjid.
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Do not become hopeless of the mercy of Allah (SWT), for He forgives all sins. Therefore, we must continue repenting to Him and seeking His forgiveness. To Him, we flee, we seek His help, and in Him, we seek refuge. Allah (SWT) says,
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
Translation: Say! O my slaves who have transgressed against themselves, do not become despondent of the mercy of Allah. Verily, Allah forgives all sins. Verily, He is the most forgiving, most merciful. (Surah Az-Zumar: verse 53)
Firstly, make a sincere tawba (repentance) from this sin of abortion. Allah (SWT) says:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا تُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ تَوْبَةً نَّصُوحًا
Translation: "O you who believe! Repent to Allah a sincere repentance. (Surah At-Tahrim: verse 8)
Umar (RA) describes a 'sincere repentance' as not returning to the sin that he repented from just as milk does not return to the udder. (Hashiya of Shaykh Sabooni for Riyadh As-Saliheen: p. 19 [Maktaba Asriya])
Keep in mind three conditions for tawba to be accepted. Many people resort back to sin due to not keeping these conditions in mind. If any of these three conditions are missing, then the tawba is invalid:
To remove oneself from that sin
To regret committing it
To have a firm resolve never to return to it
If the sin relates to someone's right, then along with the conditions mentioned above, they must fulfill the right, e.g., if he steals someone's watch, he must return it to its rightful owner. (Riyadh As-Saliheen: p. 18 (Al-Maktaba Al-Asriya)
The husband, not the wife, can simply issue an Islamic divorce verbally or through writing. Civil divorce does not affect an Islamic Nikah. However, if the husband willingly signs the civil divorce document and thereby intended an Islamic divorce, one Islamic divorce (talaq bain) will occur. To issue the divorce, if your husband did not do anything apart from signing the civil divorce document, it is crucial to inquire about his intention because if he did not intend an Islamic divorce when signing, your marriage with him would still be intact. (Fatawa Darul Uloom Zakariya: v. 4, p. 272-275 [Zamzam])
If some physical features of the fetus were apparent at the time of the abortion, e.g., a nail or her hair, you would have to give blood money to the child's inheritors, excluding yourself, which they would then distribute among themselves. If none of its physical features were apparent due to the fetus being in its early stages, no blood money would be necessary. Should blood money become mandatory, the necessary amount would be 500 dirhams (about 1,530.5 grams of silver) or its equivalent in cash. (Raddul Muhtar: v. 6, p. 277 [Maktaba Imdadia]; Ibid: v. 10, p. 255-256; Fatawa Hindiya: v. 6, p. 41 [DKI]; Athmarul Hidayah: v.2, p. 458 [Zamzam])
The wife's wealth is her property; thus, she may spend from it as she wishes, and she would not need her husband's permission. The husband cannot regulate how she spends her money; however, he may advise her. Not saving your money per his suggestion would not be considered breaking a vow.
You are only responsible for paying off your debts, not his. If giving sadaqah would become an obstacle in paying off your debts (e.g., the debts are immediately due), you must prioritize paying them off and refrain from giving sadaqah until you are financially capable. The Prophet (SAW) said, "The wealthy person's delay (in paying off the debt) is injustice." (Sahih Al-Bukhari: Hadith 2400) However, suppose you can afford and balance giving sadaqah and paying off your debt simultaneously, e.g., your debt is deferred and not immediately due, and giving sadaqah would not prevent you from paying off your debts on time, then it would be permissible to give sadaqah per your description. If he asks why you are not saving, you may explain to him the Islamic ruling mentioned above.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Maulana Mohammad Ahsan Osmani Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah Darul Ifta Birmingham